people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
