a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
