Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
