fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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