you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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