I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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