the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
