Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
