why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
