sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
