I got chris browned last night
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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