i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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