TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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