She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
