I want to have your abortion
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
