Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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