wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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