smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
