Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
