My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
