I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
