Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
