Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
