you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
