Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
