hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
