You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
