i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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