The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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