So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
