between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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