$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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