The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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