I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
