Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
