Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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