you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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