The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
