Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
