so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
