dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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