Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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