Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
