I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i think i just lost a toe
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
