ya dads aren't the best wingmen
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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