I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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