How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
