I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
