This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
