Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
