I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
