Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
