home. puking in laundry basket.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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