It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
